dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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