I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
