I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
