If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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