I murdered the dance floor call the cops
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
