Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Congratulations! We have a period
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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