i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
