you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
