my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
