He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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