What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
