Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
