tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I will be naked everywhere
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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