I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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