nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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