his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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