And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
