your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize