Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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