True but thats because hes a fetus.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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