Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
