after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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