Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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