I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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