Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So squirting runs in the family.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
