i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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