so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
