I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
