You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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