woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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