mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Who wears a wallet chain?!
this beer tastes like vomit already
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
In America we eat man semen.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize