also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
