A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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