I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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