I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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