Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
