sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
