his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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