We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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