i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
