We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
