Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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