Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize