Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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