i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I AM VODKA MAN
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
