The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
