after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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