I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
