check it out our google latitudes are spooning
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
