i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you traded sex for a burrito?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
