If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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