The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
