I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
