goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
