Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i now understand why vodka
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
