On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
