I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dignity is for republicans.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The air was thick with penises
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
