when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
