and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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