so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
