he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
