i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
