uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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