My room smells like vodka and shame
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
