this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
