I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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