Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
