how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
