i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
