You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
