I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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