this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
