I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
