so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
