I think i peed on brittanys purse
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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