the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
