we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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