Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
