Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You ate ashes out of my bong
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
