I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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