i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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