Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
