I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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