you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
