you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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