Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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