The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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