I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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