And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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