I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
